You Can Have It All

My Journey in Rediscovering Myself

Note from Sandeep Nath: This post is written by my guest Kavita Chadha. I only share the bookends for context. The end at mid-October 2023 is captured in the image accompanying this post. Such messages started appearing mysteriously in Kavita’s insta-feed every other day. Each one extremely reflective of her state of mind. As I always say, your inner power changes your outer reality. This image was the first of her new reality. This post is flanked by the bookend of mid-September, which was her message in our WhatsApp group: “I have a restless mind. And due to Brain stroke in 2005 end, I became a victim of clinical depression. I feel i should end my life.”

And now, over to the meat of the matter… Enjoy!

A few weeks ago, I was added to a WhatsApp group of school batchmates. As I proceeded to introduce myself, in my self-absorption, I shared that I had been battling depression and other mental health issues.

Little did I know that my impulsive post would lead me to Sandeep Nath.

He was, or is, a batchmate at school, but we were virtually strangers. He reached out to me and offered to help me. He revealed he was a coach who helped others discover their inner power.

I read what he had written, but very honestly, I just dismissed him to be another one of those therapists and counselors who really have nothing to help you. I had been to many and was not very hopeful.

However, I can say with absolute conviction now, within 30 days, mentally and emotionally, that he reached out to me and literally made me regain normalcy!

While he spoke to me, he never probed me uncomfortably or judged me.

One of the first tasks he assigned to me, or put across to me, was to identify my purpose in life.

And trust you me, I was a mess. One day my purpose was to write a novel, the second day I wanted to go on a world tour, the third day I wanted to open a dog shelter, and on the fourth day, at the peak of self-pity, I declared I wanted to die!

I was angry, resentful, and just fed up, and I sent him Paulo Coelho’s words: “When you want something, all the Universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

“You have confused the crap out of the Universe, Kavita. What exactly is it that you want?”

A man who had called me “incredibly intelligent” a few days prior to this was trusting me to rise to the challenge of his question and “stoke the fire” within me.

At that point, I declared and asked in despair, “How does one keep one’s faith in the Universe or God alive when ‘exactly nothing’ is going right?”

This time he told me to ask people across gender, age, community, class about what their wishlist in life was and from each list, write down what was already working for me.

I reacted (not responded) that it was just to make me understand that I am blessed, and he replied with quiet certainty that if I chose, I could continue to be oversmart and play the victim. He would wait.

Suitably chastised, I put myself to the task. I was initially quite sulky, but gradually, I started realizing how I had already filled my bucket with so many wishes on other people’s lists. It made me bow my head in not just gratitude but it was quite humbling for me.

I sent him my 2 to 3 lists each day, and he would patiently respond to them and whatever else I was saying every single day.

Just a few days before, I was ranting to him about some incident with my toxic and narcissistic spouse, and his analogy was crisp and quite mind-blowing.

That is the day I understood the power of a silent response. The power of not reacting impulsively. The power of not “giving it back.”

That is the day I became aware of my inner strength. All these years, I had been in an abusive marriage, and I had stayed because of my kids.

People had judged my silent tolerance as a sign of cowardice, weakness, and meekness.

And it took this man to make me understand the inner power I had.

He is not just my coach. I cannot really say what his unwavering and non-judgmental support can be called.

He is my “GuruBuddy.” He has given me the confidence to ask him any question in confusion.

What is extraordinary is that he has never given me answers pat on the silver platter.

He has always countered me with a “What do you think/feel?” It’s like being nudged gently in the right direction. Finding the answer, unless completely lost and out of mind, is left to me as he watches me silently.

Life is just like a battlefield, and each one of us is fighting an inner battle. But until we are nudged or guided by the right person, we never see the light. The light of that inner power within us.

Today, as I keep learning with the help of his unending insight and wisdom, I discover new facets of my personality. Most importantly, I have discovered the inner strength in me. I have learned that my silence is definitely not my weakness. Or cowardice.

Silence is my power.

Also, now I try to mindfully be calm and give a measured response, rather than react impulsively and angrily.

In a recent incident, my mother had a minor stroke. I was shocked and worried, but strangely within an hour, I was calm, and there was an inner power within me which did not allow panic or anxiety to set in.

This was a challenging situation, and I am amazed at how I tackled it.

It has been a life-changing and brilliant experience for me.

And I hope it continues forever.

As my GuruBuddy Sandeep Nath says, “We are all always healing.”

1 thought on “My Journey in Rediscovering Myself”

  1. Pingback: A Journey from Depression to Positivity ( Part 4) – Whatever__says

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